OOO how exciting!!! each of us are these lil pawns scurring around . Ever so strategically _ hops onto the squares, blinded by two halogen 1000 watt bulbs shining in front of the house. Only one knight, only one horse, only one swan, only one king, queen..
You finally witness... ahh queezy feelings and countless "if only"....
I am comfortable. This should not end, let this be my never ending chess-game: My move-ur move-my move -ur move ... and then_____ our move? My knight, my pawn, my bishop, my king, my queen all have multiple options to move ahead to its destination; must I choose my destination?
Complexities mixed in a bowl of quite obvious simplicities.. oh c'mon, else everything's so boring!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
She unveils
I question why me. WHY ME?
I call upon Mama, give me strength, and I hear her say ," you can do it, everything will be o.k."
I want to cherish it, I want to hide it and I show off something else
There are reasons i guess, and I should allow all that is happening to happen as it IS meant to be..
I am sad..
Yet, I am secretly happy..
They come to me for answers.. I love it! Oh But who will asnwer my questions, my wishes... I thought I knew.
They are so oblivious of their impact to thy's existance, thy's mind.
Ah but I MUST unveil...........
I call upon Mama, give me strength, and I hear her say ," you can do it, everything will be o.k."
I want to cherish it, I want to hide it and I show off something else
There are reasons i guess, and I should allow all that is happening to happen as it IS meant to be..
I am sad..
Yet, I am secretly happy..
They come to me for answers.. I love it! Oh But who will asnwer my questions, my wishes... I thought I knew.
They are so oblivious of their impact to thy's existance, thy's mind.
Ah but I MUST unveil...........
Monday, October 8, 2007
The Silent Warrior
In this battle field, I fought relentlessly, yet with full intention and passion. I shall not let it be...
I admit, he is selfish.
I admit, she loves every human she connects with, with equal desire to have them in her space.
I admit, he is blunt.
I admit, she is not insecure.
I admit, he always gives, gives, gives......
I admit
I was your silent warrior
.
.
.
.
.
.
In exhaustion, the mind finally relaxes with pride as she witnesses them surrender....
Have I 'won'?
I was your silent warrior.
I admit, he is selfish.
I admit, she loves every human she connects with, with equal desire to have them in her space.
I admit, he is blunt.
I admit, she is not insecure.
I admit, he always gives, gives, gives......
I admit
I was your silent warrior
.
.
.
.
.
.
In exhaustion, the mind finally relaxes with pride as she witnesses them surrender....
Have I 'won'?
I was your silent warrior.
Timing
I wait and listen, and ponder.
Listen to what? Choices one makes consciously. I have always said I control decisions and changes I make to my life, but what is it that makes me choose those things? Its quite unbelievable to me that what was not meant to happen in my life, WILL not happen. Yes, I' lean towards fate.. I smile in glee with faint sparkles in my eye..
LIFE- soo thrilling, so much to learn , all of you out there, we learn and understand from each other..
Perhaps one day you might realize what you missed, I hope that day never exists....
I wish them good luck__
LIFE is too short. My advice, my belief, follow your instinct & desire with complete awareness and you shall not be disappointed.
Listen to what? Choices one makes consciously. I have always said I control decisions and changes I make to my life, but what is it that makes me choose those things? Its quite unbelievable to me that what was not meant to happen in my life, WILL not happen. Yes, I' lean towards fate.. I smile in glee with faint sparkles in my eye..
LIFE- soo thrilling, so much to learn , all of you out there, we learn and understand from each other..
Perhaps one day you might realize what you missed, I hope that day never exists....
I wish them good luck__
LIFE is too short. My advice, my belief, follow your instinct & desire with complete awareness and you shall not be disappointed.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Distance-I love mah sis
Together from that very moment we were created.. 2 eggs rolling around this secure world, and it continued. With her, life has felt like a rollar coaster.. we shared energy. We fought so much.
Suddenly I am distant.
Finally everything feels right and appropriate. Darn it! It should have been this way all along! Am I the older one just coz I got to c the world 1 minute more??? I see her NEW world, Ooh gosh its sooo cool, Im sooo soo excited for her!
Ah but ofcourse, and so became the 'risk taker', the one who rebels.. who taught and tried everything before she trots in to "check" it out.. Oh I love my dear sis- you smarty pants.
When i was exploring x y x a dv c s..... there she was silently watching & doing her own thing, alone. Was she waiting for me to pick up the phone and talk to her??
So at ease with her solitude, her sole existance.. It gotta be genetic, she nailed it at birth! And through my journey I see every one around me struggling to get there... *sigh*
I'm finally nailing it . Whew!
I have a huge happy grin, large 'saucer' eyes welled with salty h2o and endless memories as I begin to..... zzz..
My love to you always
Suddenly I am distant.
Finally everything feels right and appropriate. Darn it! It should have been this way all along! Am I the older one just coz I got to c the world 1 minute more??? I see her NEW world, Ooh gosh its sooo cool, Im sooo soo excited for her!
Ah but ofcourse, and so became the 'risk taker', the one who rebels.. who taught and tried everything before she trots in to "check" it out.. Oh I love my dear sis- you smarty pants.
When i was exploring x y x a dv c s..... there she was silently watching & doing her own thing, alone. Was she waiting for me to pick up the phone and talk to her??
So at ease with her solitude, her sole existance.. It gotta be genetic, she nailed it at birth! And through my journey I see every one around me struggling to get there... *sigh*
I'm finally nailing it . Whew!
I have a huge happy grin, large 'saucer' eyes welled with salty h2o and endless memories as I begin to..... zzz..
My love to you always
Thursday, August 16, 2007
To Jacob
Stout, warm, strong, muscular,funny, blonde, cute.. for some odd reason his face flashed through my sub-conscious mind approx 2-3 weeks ago as I was trying hard to recollect his name. Now as I look back, was my mind trying to tell me something??
I finally saw just his name, Jake as he was called affectionately,only pictures and the scent of lavender oil burning next to them with a note 'his last breath was 2 weeks ago'
Since 2000, we've danced here and there through classes, Cornish, workshops.. and one day I stopped seeing him in class. I always remembered him. Its funny how some people create an impact in some odd way in your life. I would never want anyone so young get cursed with diebetes,,,
In loving memory, Dear Jake-whereever you might be, I believe you are happiest there....
I finally saw just his name, Jake as he was called affectionately,only pictures and the scent of lavender oil burning next to them with a note 'his last breath was 2 weeks ago'
Since 2000, we've danced here and there through classes, Cornish, workshops.. and one day I stopped seeing him in class. I always remembered him. Its funny how some people create an impact in some odd way in your life. I would never want anyone so young get cursed with diebetes,,,
In loving memory, Dear Jake-whereever you might be, I believe you are happiest there....
Monday, July 16, 2007
That ball of energy
From somewhere, somehow I bumped into this terrific thing that I got pulled towards as if this giant vacuum gulping its quota of air for that sec (its basic survival instinct I guess!) Its second= my womanly human time = about 6 mo. What was I doing????? What was I thinking?????
Oh boy, so many exciting ventures..... I always believe: Life is short, u got ONE life to live, live it to the fullest..
Ha, I was ready..
That fiery ball of energy, so vibrant in its own way. To my eyes, the msg to my brain would be "Wow"! If one encounters such a thing, would it be o.k. to hold onto to it as if it were your most priced possession...well obv I was the first to find it now, wasent I? *sniff sniff* * Tears well up*
This energy bouncing around me, my space, my time, playing games???
Ahhhh perhaps I'll find it again, rather I so desperately, wish to create and explore everything with it!
Oh I scream , Read my mind, read my mind, read my mind!
Ah, Life aint that simple now. Patience, tolerance; but, but, but.. what if_______ Aha! That scary blank oozing with insecurities... sometimes I want to imagine- in fact that IS the trick.. re-create anything you'd desire in your mind. The power of the mind- infinite possibilities
Never know whats in store, let go? Dont let go Let go? Dont let go Let go........... I feel like flying away into and through that vaccum.
Om
Oh boy, so many exciting ventures..... I always believe: Life is short, u got ONE life to live, live it to the fullest..
Ha, I was ready..
That fiery ball of energy, so vibrant in its own way. To my eyes, the msg to my brain would be "Wow"! If one encounters such a thing, would it be o.k. to hold onto to it as if it were your most priced possession...well obv I was the first to find it now, wasent I? *sniff sniff* * Tears well up*
This energy bouncing around me, my space, my time, playing games???
Ahhhh perhaps I'll find it again, rather I so desperately, wish to create and explore everything with it!
Oh I scream , Read my mind, read my mind, read my mind!
Ah, Life aint that simple now. Patience, tolerance; but, but, but.. what if_______ Aha! That scary blank oozing with insecurities... sometimes I want to imagine- in fact that IS the trick.. re-create anything you'd desire in your mind. The power of the mind- infinite possibilities
Never know whats in store, let go? Dont let go Let go? Dont let go Let go........... I feel like flying away into and through that vaccum.
Om
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Minamina poochee
Felt like sharing this spectacular moment I witnessed 2 evenings ago for the first time. I will always come back to my fascination to evolution and nature's creations. Whatever is out there can be considered by far the supreme king of creativity.. and here I am meekly cranking my nerve cells to tell my body to converse, explore, create boldly and freely......
Bzzzz... they flutter at an even pace. Random specs of bright green dots fading in and out into oblivion. clear sky, lush velvet floor spreading infinitely. Fresh smell of mud. I was performing within. The set was just perfect.
And then an hr later, I want to replicate that what I experienced in my theatre setting.
What you feel at the moment is almost impossible to regenerate. Actors would beg to differ. yea yea, yea.
In this unique setting, I play with Confinement. Open space, the bright green, moving dots light my performing space. You see only what you can, only what you wish, only what you'd like to.
Vision as a mode of confinement. To allow the eye to grasp max information within a specified time frame, aids the mind to work with choosing what is more imp to retain at that particular moment.
Oh dear MinMina poochee where do you come from?
Bzzzz... they flutter at an even pace. Random specs of bright green dots fading in and out into oblivion. clear sky, lush velvet floor spreading infinitely. Fresh smell of mud. I was performing within. The set was just perfect.
And then an hr later, I want to replicate that what I experienced in my theatre setting.
What you feel at the moment is almost impossible to regenerate. Actors would beg to differ. yea yea, yea.
In this unique setting, I play with Confinement. Open space, the bright green, moving dots light my performing space. You see only what you can, only what you wish, only what you'd like to.
Vision as a mode of confinement. To allow the eye to grasp max information within a specified time frame, aids the mind to work with choosing what is more imp to retain at that particular moment.
Oh dear MinMina poochee where do you come from?
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Exploring C...
bells and feet in a conversation with each other. Brisk and soft, in constant rhythm
That one song is stuck in my head: such a lovely song and I can see Bridget with her lovely almond shaped eyes move ...
There is a melodic dialogue between the 2 female voices right here, in the corner.
Percussive legs support the aura being created...
At the end of it all, I always ask,what is the ulterior motif to doing whatever we want to do. Here I am so drawn to the concept and idea of C. Why? Circumstances, experiences that drives us all to focus on certain things at certain stages of our lives.
Is confinement a perception? a state? Contentment to confinement: Oh ofocourse it is possible. Its the choices you make perhaps?
melting vs frozen, tar-like. Energy confined within each cell, provides disciplined functioning of the body.
'Contain your energy' helps you to reach a stable state.
Confined to light: shadows of green, blue, red. I am engaged in a playful game almost with the rays of colored light. Only parts of the body awaken to each light. Evokes mixed feelings.. I have to expt with it to figure it out..
That one song is stuck in my head: such a lovely song and I can see Bridget with her lovely almond shaped eyes move ...
There is a melodic dialogue between the 2 female voices right here, in the corner.
Percussive legs support the aura being created...
At the end of it all, I always ask,what is the ulterior motif to doing whatever we want to do. Here I am so drawn to the concept and idea of C. Why? Circumstances, experiences that drives us all to focus on certain things at certain stages of our lives.
Is confinement a perception? a state? Contentment to confinement: Oh ofocourse it is possible. Its the choices you make perhaps?
melting vs frozen, tar-like. Energy confined within each cell, provides disciplined functioning of the body.
'Contain your energy' helps you to reach a stable state.
Confined to light: shadows of green, blue, red. I am engaged in a playful game almost with the rays of colored light. Only parts of the body awaken to each light. Evokes mixed feelings.. I have to expt with it to figure it out..
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Nine'9
nAVARASAs
... ... ... lives
''''''''' deaths
///////// births
Its 3PM and my mind is bouncing around with evenness. Thoughts about Mehfil flash through. Something felt incomplete. Thats how I'm 'wired' ha! I chuckled. Hmmm I-90 seemed very calm, 9 cars whiz past me. Am I that slow??
In sets of 3 I re-visit the newly composed teehayis I just made at Noon. Today feels fruitful...
I ended with 9 + 9 sets + 4 more laps
There's something about 9. I'm planning on something very random, to explore the concept of 9. All of a sudden, nine colors, 9 bodies, 9 emotions intertwined with my favorite nine Raagas.
Is this number it..?
... ... ... lives
''''''''' deaths
///////// births
Its 3PM and my mind is bouncing around with evenness. Thoughts about Mehfil flash through. Something felt incomplete. Thats how I'm 'wired' ha! I chuckled. Hmmm I-90 seemed very calm, 9 cars whiz past me. Am I that slow??
In sets of 3 I re-visit the newly composed teehayis I just made at Noon. Today feels fruitful...
I ended with 9 + 9 sets + 4 more laps
There's something about 9. I'm planning on something very random, to explore the concept of 9. All of a sudden, nine colors, 9 bodies, 9 emotions intertwined with my favorite nine Raagas.
Is this number it..?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
caught
Funny how the mind works.. gosh my own brain- emotion vs thoughts: my own expt. Quite fascinating I must say.
Just makes me feel that much more proud of the human species. Such complicated beings. ofcourse I'd always claim to be a 'simple' human.
Some thgts , concepts to ponder:
barter system.. Edamame-- your precious child crawling on your back as you laze arnd
investing time
I've a new piece at brewing at the back of my head...
Within/without: self awareness. Its importance.
Just makes me feel that much more proud of the human species. Such complicated beings. ofcourse I'd always claim to be a 'simple' human.
Some thgts , concepts to ponder:
barter system.. Edamame-- your precious child crawling on your back as you laze arnd
investing time
I've a new piece at brewing at the back of my head...
Within/without: self awareness. Its importance.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Bundle of Joy
As the sound of the tanpura hums soothingly in the background, little babies, what a pleasure just to watch them. Every tiny movement of their body, their face is so unique n special.
Big almost blue eyes, his own little melody to entertain our ears; that constant wobble- oh so cute!sometimes I wish I had my own!
Such simple creatures that lead a blissful life. All they want is some warm milk and food served in a timely manner.
poor thing, I think I didnt serve him enough milk. Of that tiny bottle I was asked to serve in installments; and I think I kind of followed those instructions too rigidly.;( My sincere apologies.
But we had some playful moments, of tranquility and laughter.
I couldnt put him to bed rocking him in that specific manner. Yet, he put himself to bed accordingly.
My daddywas with me. I am enjoying every moment.. though not in proximity 24/7! this is special. and sometime it will end. Perhaps thats what I'm uncomfortable facing and so I have been wanting it to end asap.. coz I know I can deal with something I'm uneasy about when im consciously aware on when that will occur. It kills me to tell myself to prepare...
Oh ,what bundles of joy one gets in the midst of innocent little ones and wise old ones.
Peace -/
Big almost blue eyes, his own little melody to entertain our ears; that constant wobble- oh so cute!sometimes I wish I had my own!
Such simple creatures that lead a blissful life. All they want is some warm milk and food served in a timely manner.
poor thing, I think I didnt serve him enough milk. Of that tiny bottle I was asked to serve in installments; and I think I kind of followed those instructions too rigidly.;( My sincere apologies.
But we had some playful moments, of tranquility and laughter.
I couldnt put him to bed rocking him in that specific manner. Yet, he put himself to bed accordingly.
My daddywas with me. I am enjoying every moment.. though not in proximity 24/7! this is special. and sometime it will end. Perhaps thats what I'm uncomfortable facing and so I have been wanting it to end asap.. coz I know I can deal with something I'm uneasy about when im consciously aware on when that will occur. It kills me to tell myself to prepare...
Oh ,what bundles of joy one gets in the midst of innocent little ones and wise old ones.
Peace -/
Monday, March 5, 2007
Confinement
8 shapes. walls. limited air. limited breaths. Fear? Anger? Cold. Skip-hop-skip-jump.
Noiseless. Tense. Dont procastinate. Work on this.. Thinking about confinement and 9 emotions for more tha 6 months.. That itself gives a sense of confined to thinking of the same thing.. losing my mind. Slow down. 2 picture frames.
Rope- fabric bround around the body.
Start with isolation of each limb.. can use all limbs gradually .. but still confined. Anxious, worried. In the confined space- create painting blind folded..
Voice-in my favorite tune. needs to compliment confinement.. A calm serene quality perhaps.. but everything's an illusion.
The confined space: 4* 4; then 10*10; then 16* 16; then 20*20; then 30*30; then 50 * 50; then 100 * 100; then... then...........
Confined within the blue-green marble... break through beyond...
Noiseless. Tense. Dont procastinate. Work on this.. Thinking about confinement and 9 emotions for more tha 6 months.. That itself gives a sense of confined to thinking of the same thing.. losing my mind. Slow down. 2 picture frames.
Rope- fabric bround around the body.
Start with isolation of each limb.. can use all limbs gradually .. but still confined. Anxious, worried. In the confined space- create painting blind folded..
Voice-in my favorite tune. needs to compliment confinement.. A calm serene quality perhaps.. but everything's an illusion.
The confined space: 4* 4; then 10*10; then 16* 16; then 20*20; then 30*30; then 50 * 50; then 100 * 100; then... then...........
Confined within the blue-green marble... break through beyond...
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Snowing!
7:56Am, Feb 28th- its snowinggggggggg, as I gaze at them, it seems as if someone above is straining all purpose flour.. so fast. Disappears almost instantly as it touches the ground.
8:03AM: slowing down, diagonal lines. glassy drops sticking to the twigs& branches.
8:06 AM : gone, emptiness
8:03AM: slowing down, diagonal lines. glassy drops sticking to the twigs& branches.
8:06 AM : gone, emptiness
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Giving Birth
Absolutely fascinating! Yet I'm terrified to put myself through it.
I'm presenting a monologue 2 weeks from now on Giving Birth. I find it so hard to sink into an expectant mother-to-be zone. All I'm showing is how the serpant scored and in the end new life was let out through that exotic dam in, one big sigh. I wish the whole process would be as smooth & quick as my 4 min monologue!
I can only try to guess the various emotions she goes through, I need to physically go through that process to fully phathom it. No matter how many times my friends have explained that process, I can never ride their estatic feeling and its so funny how sincere they are in hoping beyond hope to make me understand. From my side- 'wows', itching the ear lobes & painful plastic smiles..
Ahh I'm excited about giving Birth....
I'm presenting a monologue 2 weeks from now on Giving Birth. I find it so hard to sink into an expectant mother-to-be zone. All I'm showing is how the serpant scored and in the end new life was let out through that exotic dam in, one big sigh. I wish the whole process would be as smooth & quick as my 4 min monologue!
I can only try to guess the various emotions she goes through, I need to physically go through that process to fully phathom it. No matter how many times my friends have explained that process, I can never ride their estatic feeling and its so funny how sincere they are in hoping beyond hope to make me understand. From my side- 'wows', itching the ear lobes & painful plastic smiles..
Ahh I'm excited about giving Birth....
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